Salad Glam

The average projectile for a baby carrot on an appetizer salad is about a three foot straight shot before arching to the floor. (Unless it pegs your neighbor in the arm or barrels into the suit jacket of guest sitting behind you. In either case, half the expected flight path.) If the dinner is black tie, feel free to add a generous foot to the landing distance. (Chef’s always lube the petite sticks with extra butter at fancy dinners.)

 

*Note to self:  If the length of a vegetable appears too awkward to fit into your mouth all at once (at least in public anyway) and you decide to cut down, stick the fork in firmly before sawing with a knife. (Lessens the chance of a misfire.)

 

*Survival skill: If the unfortunate event occurs and the carrot flies off the plate, check your surroundings. If no one noticed, carry on, business as usual. If the dinner conversation pauses and the entire table eyes the unmanned legume dart, default to the tip listed below. 

 

*Dining Etiquette: Use the line “slippery little sucker”. After all, it worked for Julia Roberts.

 

E.L. Chappel author of Risk

Miss Manners dropout

aka the Glamorous Wife