Notes To My Younger Self:
You will have many kinds of relationships, each having it’s own level of intensity. Some of these relationships you will choose, others may be chosen for you. What you will have a say in, though, is how you set and respect boundaries in your relationships. If you’re lucky, you’ll be surrounded by people who are willing to make as much of an effort in relationships as you are. Odds are though, you will be—by choice or circumstance—in relationships where other(s) aren’t willing to meet you halfway. (Or perhaps a quarter way or even less in some cases.) Be mindful in these types of circumstances that your actions, or lack of action, will teach others how to treat you. Meaning if you don’t set and hold boundaries, you will feel hurt, angry, used, or resentful and be tempted to place blame on whoever is not carrying their weight in the partnership.
If you find yourself about to assign blame, be sure to set your sights on the only person you can control—you. Remember that in order for any relationship to work, both people have to be equally invested and willing to be responsible, respectful, thoughtful, putting their needs and the needs of others on a level of equal importance. If you’re doing your part and another isn’t, then a boundary has been breeched and it’s up to you to handle the imbalance. Know that you have choices. You can discuss your concerns with the person involved to find out why they aren’t holding up their end. You can adjust your boundary. You can detach—meaning while remaining respectful, you are no longer willing to invest any more energy in the relationship. Or you can decide to let go and make room for a more 50/50 kind of agreement. Understand that you are not required, no matter who says you are, to carry someone else’s load and responsibilities in your relationship.
E.L.Chappel author of Spirit Dance/Storm Makers/Coming very soon: The Surge
Check the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the Ten Commandments, birth certificates, marriage certificates, passports, driver’s licenses: no where is it written that you are required to carry more than half the responsibilities in relationships.
Nurturing, nourishing and equal measures of giving and taking: the recipe for satisfying relationships.
aka The Glamorous Wife