“All my friends are hookers.”   *Note to self: Never mind personality profiles. You can learn a lot about a person by what’s printed on the back of their t-shirt.   *The Ronald Reagan approach to relationships: Surround yourself with variety. People…

English interpretation of a French lunch menu.   Under appetizers:   Caviar frog leg emulsion, praline bomb finish. (580 euros)   *Note to self: If you’re going to bombed, may as well be a sugary praline.   *DOD’s new secret weapon: “The…

“Greetings American.” The Parisian cab driver gave the Vulcan hand signal for “Live long and prosper”.   I reached for the door handle. Too late. The Moroccan expat hit the accelerator and merged into traffic.   With both hands flat against the bench…

If you’re trying to get somewhere in a hurry, don’t shoot the donkey that is carrying you’re wide load.   *Note to self: Helping others is good. Helping others who take potshots at you, bad.    *How to tell you’re being taken…

“Bonkers”   *Note to self:  When trying to describe a particularly difficult person with grace, use a word no one really understands.   *Interpretations:  Crazy (institutionally or otherwise), funny, unreasonable, controlling or just a massive ass. (Not the same as “big bumps”.)…

“Don’t jack my swag”   *loose interpretation:  Don’t copy my style   *note to self:  Does Rosetta Stone have a slang app?   *used in a sentence: Don’t jack my ride, jones my brunch or eye my junk in the trunk. (You…

The average projectile for a baby carrot on an appetizer salad is about a three foot straight shot before arching to the floor. (Unless it pegs your neighbor in the arm or barrels into the suit jacket of guest sitting behind you….

Tired of antiquated space trash cluttering the solar system, the Martians form a joint venture with Waste Management to get tough on intergalactic litterbugs. NASA and the Department of Defense are issued the first tickets.   *Note to self: Forgive me, I…

Tulsa woman gets pegged by a piece of space junk. (I know)   In 1997, a small charred piece of the Delta II rocket hit a Tulsa woman while she strolled through a local park.   *Note to self: Back to the…

A six ton satellite could hit earth.   *Note to self: Don’t stand anywhere remotely resembling an “X”. (After all, “X” always marks the spot.)   *Putting things in perspective: Regardless of how bad you think you day is going, nothing beats a six ton…